Its almost too good to be true, lets see if you can relate this to your husband....
1. "I can't find it"
MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.
2. "That's women's work"
MEANS: It's difficult, dirty, and thankless.
3. "Will you marry me?"
MEANS: Both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there's no peanut butter left.
4. "It's a guy thing."
MEANS: There's no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
5. "Can I help with dinner?"
MEANS: Why isn't it already on the table?
6. "It would take too long to explain"
MEANS: I have no idea how it works.
7. "I'm getting more exercise lately"
MEANS: The batteries in the remote are dead.
8. "We're going to be late."
MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.
9. "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
10. "That's interesting dear."
MEANS: Are you still talking?
11. "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.
12. "You expect too much from me."
MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?
13. "It's really a good movie."
MEANS: It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked women.
14. "You know how bad my memory is."
MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of F-Troop, the address of the first girl I kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.
15. "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
MEANS: The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, and was wearing a thong bikini.
16. "Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt.
17. "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing."
MEANS: What did you catch me at?
18. "She's one of those rabid feminists."
MEANS: She refused to make my coffee.
19. "I heard you."
MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough, so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me.
20. "You know I could never love anyone else."
MEANS: I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and realize it could be worse.
21. "You really look terrific in that outfit."
MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.
22. "I brought you a present."
MEANS: It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game.
23. "I missed you."
MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we're out of toilet paper.
24. "I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are."
MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.
25. "This relationship is getting too serious."
MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck.
26. "I don't need to read the instructions."
MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.
"The only good thing about winning is your first next to losing"
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Battle of the Sexes part 2...
Every man knows and thinks the fastest way to a lady's heart in to buy her fancy dinners with fine wine, and diamonds and gold along with a expensive car... and this works
But when this group of women were asked what is the fastest way to a man's heart?, one lady replied "Through his chest with a sharp knife" and you might of thought it was gonna be through his stomach by keeping him fed... LOL......
this shows women do think differently for sure......
But when this group of women were asked what is the fastest way to a man's heart?, one lady replied "Through his chest with a sharp knife" and you might of thought it was gonna be through his stomach by keeping him fed... LOL......
this shows women do think differently for sure......
Battle of the Sexes OMG......
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man; that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man; that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Something to laugh about...
Here is a joke .to make you laugh, or not....
There's 2 muffins in the oven and one of them says to the other "damn it sure is hot in here" the other muffin says " Oh My God, a talking muffin " .....
Well did you laugh? okay this next one should get you to at least smile
There are 2 co-workers on break and one says to the other " My 10 year old son got his teacher pregnant " other co-worker says " No way man, you got to be kidding me" 1st co-worker says "No, really he got his teacher pregnant" other co-worker says " WTF C'mon it's not possible, how could he get her pregnant?" 1st co-worker says " my son admitted to poking holes in my condoms "
Okay did you smile hehehe well okay but this is just some stuff I heard and made me think...
There's 2 muffins in the oven and one of them says to the other "damn it sure is hot in here" the other muffin says " Oh My God, a talking muffin " .....
Well did you laugh? okay this next one should get you to at least smile
There are 2 co-workers on break and one says to the other " My 10 year old son got his teacher pregnant " other co-worker says " No way man, you got to be kidding me" 1st co-worker says "No, really he got his teacher pregnant" other co-worker says " WTF C'mon it's not possible, how could he get her pregnant?" 1st co-worker says " my son admitted to poking holes in my condoms "
Okay did you smile hehehe well okay but this is just some stuff I heard and made me think...
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Tacoshells and melted cheese?
Yes I have a funny wife, I was mumblin' I was hungry and she said "ohhh there is some tacoshells in the cupboard just melt some cheese on them" I was like WTF hehe is she serious but now she will tell you how I got frustated with the onion rings, yes I pulled them out of the freezer and it said to cook them for 4 minutes then flip them over and cook another 4 minutes, so I just put them back in the freezer and then the wife got up and made them for me. Guess waiting for the 4 minutes was just too much, Then you have to flip all of them over, I like simply and that was just not so simple I guess.
UFO's and Religion
Okay lets start off with a little bit about our Universe, yup its old, astronomers have an estimate of 13.73 billion years, based on precision measurements of the oldest light in the universe from a NASA satellite known as the Wilkinson Microwave Anisotropy Probe.
Now in our Universe we have around 100 billion Galaxies, we are in one of them and its called the Milky Way, so what is in the other 99 billion, hmmmmm it would be dumb for us to say we are all alone out here in the great great SPACE.... so I will say I do believe there must be some form of life besides our planet Earth.
How I figured this is from the rocks fallen from outerspace and land on Earth they have found the building blocks of life, these rocks (meteorites) have amino acids and other elements that are also found in about every living thing on this planet, and if you look at the DNA of life here on Earth we all are kinda related or say evolved over a long time and are made up of the same chemicals in such.
Earth has been like a science project that started about 4.7 billion years ago and has changed and changed into what we are today, back then it was just minerals and gases but it all evolved into life because of the SUN, why the radiation is why, you can say cancer is the start of life as well, because of cell mutation.. now lets talk about UFO's
Okay now we have a bit about space here is some about why and what in the UFO stuff I gathered, First off to get here from another Galaxy one life form must be more advanced, which in turn means they are from an older galaxy and have technology way more advanced that we are to fly because the Sagittarius Dwarf Elliptical Galaxy was discovered at 80,000 light-years away, hmmm is that far and is there life there, so far we can not say about life but its mostly poor stars with very low metal properties and very little stellar dust , so how far is that from us.
80,000 light years is fucking far people, it would take 80,000 years traving the speed of light to get here, the speed of light is fucking fast and so far we have figured that it would be impossible to travel that fast because we are solid and not a light wave, The speed of light in freespace is a physical constant defined as 299,792,458 meters per second. or you can say in miles per second is 186,282.397, now travel this fast for 80,000 years and you can get from the closest galaxy to Earth and be here for dinner. or from the next galaxy which is 179,000 light years away from us, the rest of the 98 billion of them are even farther and way farther so uhhh hmmm.
So is it probable that we can be visited? uhhhh unless they can live a long time, which to say maybe they can because just because we don't does not mean the rest of the universe is like us, even though we are made from the elements of the universe does not mean they will have 2 eyes or ears or legs like we do, they might or might not be anything like us, so maybe they do live for 5 billion years, so with this is mind think about this next reason why they did come.
Why would they come, well every star and sun and planet has a lifespan, our sun they figure will die in about 50 million years from now, wow that means earth will die too, not bad though because we are only close to 14 billion years old and that is a long time to be a science project of the great universe. So lets say a group of aliens had to flee there dying solar system and are in search of a new planet to live, well Earth has the elements to support life in the Spaceland, we are proof, so if they are coming they will not pick up a cow and play with its guts or abduct people to see what we are, they have the technology to get here which means they have power over us and they will just terminate humans and take over the planet, why make friends with a weaker specimen, see they come they will not be friendly and that my friend would be a reason to not want UFO's coming here if they could, stay away leave us alone.
Over all I think the UFO thing going on here is a bunch of shit, for years they played with the stealth bomber, like 12 years they flew it around the world and not a soul but our government new so you see strange stuff well it seems to always be around or near top secret sites around the world this stuff is spotted. Think our government wants you too believe so when they test flight new technology you will assume its a spaceship from 179,000 billion light years away...
Another UFO craze is this group of folks believe we came from outer space, the ships brought us here and dropped us off, what a whacked out group but the say, look at the pyramids, the aliens helped us build them, they say the ones in mexico where too, because they claimed to found ancient pictures drawn on the walls of spaceships around these pyramid sites all over the globe, I saw the pictures and I did not see spaceships but this group is whacked out about it, hehehehe so now how does religion fall into this mess...
Well all because we learned here about the universe and about galaxies we now know how old shit is, well I was watching a TV show, one with 18 children hehehe so you know which one well they went to a museum and seen old stuff like dinosaurs and the father told the kids its not true because the Holy Bible shows the Earth to be about 6,000 years old, some other people I have talked too at work said they know people who say this same thing and that science is wrong, well we have human bones that are over 12,000 years old and the Neanderthal of the Homo Genus was dated back to 33,000 years ago, yes there brain cavatiy was bigger and they were only 4.5 feet tall but still human, so did GOD not create them and only US the Homo Sapien?
Does all the 1000's of religions that don't believe in GOD wrong, like the chinese traditional which goes back around the time this GOD created Earth and the heavens above. Got to look at Islam and Budda and Hindu and on and on, found a page that listed 22 most popular religions and Christianity was the only one that had GOD in it and among it was several like 7th day advents and baptist and mormans along with the big one catholics anyway they all believe in GOD but have it there way, just a little twist than the other, not to say if you believe in GOD your wrong, because what is right for you is for YOU, so if you believe in GOD and UFO's my question is " Did GOD create them too because he created the heavens above?
I feel kinda sorry for them children that are told science was wrong because when they get out of that house and into the REAL world, people are really gonna hit them hard with the Your Stupid remark, even though I did not say that because I believe if you really believe in something then more power to ya, I won't stand in your way, so since I am nice to do that then respect me and stay out of my way because when the UFO's come I want to pray to GOD and ask WHY LORD WHY? then I will be sure to wonder why and where did we really come from in a different way.
I am not trying to pick on religion at all but I do have alot of questions about GOD and his HOLY BOOK... which one is correct? huh? what I mean is the different versions, The Old Testament was originally written in Hebrew and the New Testament in Greek. then over the years it was rewritten King James (1611AD) and the New King James (1982AD). 1950, the Jehovah's Witnesses Bible and book of morman and Darby and uhh giddian or something like that not sure but what I read there are over 150,000 variations of the new testament written today, all are different and have left out passages they felt were useless , like when the first translations were King James wanted everyone to have a bible and hired scholars and scribers to rewrite the holy words which the church had the manuscripts and not anyone so this is when it got all twisted to what someone wanted and not the real thing, which we have no manuscripts from back then anymore, most we lost and many destroyed..... so really we have no clue as the truth, the real truth but what was told could be written and how to rewrite to say so, Thanks King James who ever you though you were, were you GOD?
Anyway now you got a taste of UFO's along with a bit of religion, both to me are about as far out there as you can imagine but lets just say I still believe that anything is possible in our world so together it may seem that GOD is in his UFO watching over us this whole time, and we now are reaching out to space to be with him...... When I get to meet GOD I want to ask "How old are you really? .......
Now in our Universe we have around 100 billion Galaxies, we are in one of them and its called the Milky Way, so what is in the other 99 billion, hmmmmm it would be dumb for us to say we are all alone out here in the great great SPACE.... so I will say I do believe there must be some form of life besides our planet Earth.
How I figured this is from the rocks fallen from outerspace and land on Earth they have found the building blocks of life, these rocks (meteorites) have amino acids and other elements that are also found in about every living thing on this planet, and if you look at the DNA of life here on Earth we all are kinda related or say evolved over a long time and are made up of the same chemicals in such.
Earth has been like a science project that started about 4.7 billion years ago and has changed and changed into what we are today, back then it was just minerals and gases but it all evolved into life because of the SUN, why the radiation is why, you can say cancer is the start of life as well, because of cell mutation.. now lets talk about UFO's
Okay now we have a bit about space here is some about why and what in the UFO stuff I gathered, First off to get here from another Galaxy one life form must be more advanced, which in turn means they are from an older galaxy and have technology way more advanced that we are to fly because the Sagittarius Dwarf Elliptical Galaxy was discovered at 80,000 light-years away, hmmm is that far and is there life there, so far we can not say about life but its mostly poor stars with very low metal properties and very little stellar dust , so how far is that from us.
80,000 light years is fucking far people, it would take 80,000 years traving the speed of light to get here, the speed of light is fucking fast and so far we have figured that it would be impossible to travel that fast because we are solid and not a light wave, The speed of light in freespace is a physical constant defined as 299,792,458 meters per second. or you can say in miles per second is 186,282.397, now travel this fast for 80,000 years and you can get from the closest galaxy to Earth and be here for dinner. or from the next galaxy which is 179,000 light years away from us, the rest of the 98 billion of them are even farther and way farther so uhhh hmmm.
So is it probable that we can be visited? uhhhh unless they can live a long time, which to say maybe they can because just because we don't does not mean the rest of the universe is like us, even though we are made from the elements of the universe does not mean they will have 2 eyes or ears or legs like we do, they might or might not be anything like us, so maybe they do live for 5 billion years, so with this is mind think about this next reason why they did come.
Why would they come, well every star and sun and planet has a lifespan, our sun they figure will die in about 50 million years from now, wow that means earth will die too, not bad though because we are only close to 14 billion years old and that is a long time to be a science project of the great universe. So lets say a group of aliens had to flee there dying solar system and are in search of a new planet to live, well Earth has the elements to support life in the Spaceland, we are proof, so if they are coming they will not pick up a cow and play with its guts or abduct people to see what we are, they have the technology to get here which means they have power over us and they will just terminate humans and take over the planet, why make friends with a weaker specimen, see they come they will not be friendly and that my friend would be a reason to not want UFO's coming here if they could, stay away leave us alone.
Over all I think the UFO thing going on here is a bunch of shit, for years they played with the stealth bomber, like 12 years they flew it around the world and not a soul but our government new so you see strange stuff well it seems to always be around or near top secret sites around the world this stuff is spotted. Think our government wants you too believe so when they test flight new technology you will assume its a spaceship from 179,000 billion light years away...
Another UFO craze is this group of folks believe we came from outer space, the ships brought us here and dropped us off, what a whacked out group but the say, look at the pyramids, the aliens helped us build them, they say the ones in mexico where too, because they claimed to found ancient pictures drawn on the walls of spaceships around these pyramid sites all over the globe, I saw the pictures and I did not see spaceships but this group is whacked out about it, hehehehe so now how does religion fall into this mess...
Well all because we learned here about the universe and about galaxies we now know how old shit is, well I was watching a TV show, one with 18 children hehehe so you know which one well they went to a museum and seen old stuff like dinosaurs and the father told the kids its not true because the Holy Bible shows the Earth to be about 6,000 years old, some other people I have talked too at work said they know people who say this same thing and that science is wrong, well we have human bones that are over 12,000 years old and the Neanderthal of the Homo Genus was dated back to 33,000 years ago, yes there brain cavatiy was bigger and they were only 4.5 feet tall but still human, so did GOD not create them and only US the Homo Sapien?
Does all the 1000's of religions that don't believe in GOD wrong, like the chinese traditional which goes back around the time this GOD created Earth and the heavens above. Got to look at Islam and Budda and Hindu and on and on, found a page that listed 22 most popular religions and Christianity was the only one that had GOD in it and among it was several like 7th day advents and baptist and mormans along with the big one catholics anyway they all believe in GOD but have it there way, just a little twist than the other, not to say if you believe in GOD your wrong, because what is right for you is for YOU, so if you believe in GOD and UFO's my question is " Did GOD create them too because he created the heavens above?
I feel kinda sorry for them children that are told science was wrong because when they get out of that house and into the REAL world, people are really gonna hit them hard with the Your Stupid remark, even though I did not say that because I believe if you really believe in something then more power to ya, I won't stand in your way, so since I am nice to do that then respect me and stay out of my way because when the UFO's come I want to pray to GOD and ask WHY LORD WHY? then I will be sure to wonder why and where did we really come from in a different way.
I am not trying to pick on religion at all but I do have alot of questions about GOD and his HOLY BOOK... which one is correct? huh? what I mean is the different versions, The Old Testament was originally written in Hebrew and the New Testament in Greek. then over the years it was rewritten King James (1611AD) and the New King James (1982AD). 1950, the Jehovah's Witnesses Bible and book of morman and Darby and uhh giddian or something like that not sure but what I read there are over 150,000 variations of the new testament written today, all are different and have left out passages they felt were useless , like when the first translations were King James wanted everyone to have a bible and hired scholars and scribers to rewrite the holy words which the church had the manuscripts and not anyone so this is when it got all twisted to what someone wanted and not the real thing, which we have no manuscripts from back then anymore, most we lost and many destroyed..... so really we have no clue as the truth, the real truth but what was told could be written and how to rewrite to say so, Thanks King James who ever you though you were, were you GOD?
Anyway now you got a taste of UFO's along with a bit of religion, both to me are about as far out there as you can imagine but lets just say I still believe that anything is possible in our world so together it may seem that GOD is in his UFO watching over us this whole time, and we now are reaching out to space to be with him...... When I get to meet GOD I want to ask "How old are you really? .......
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Okay Part 2 of the UnBranded , this is even more simple.
Well most folks will add a background by getting code from a website and having to paste the code into a widget and all that... but if you want to just go to a website and copy just a single simple http url and paste it without creating a widget, widget is that little thing you click to add html/js or click add picture thing in blogger well here is a simple step to do in the layout but instead of widgets we will click the 3rd button over on the top that says "edit html" well below them button looking things, see where is says that, well click it and you can see the html code of the blog template.
Okay first lets look for a backround and we found one at the place in the last blog, okay we have one picked out, so now in blogger we clicked the "edit html" now we see the code and your like WTF am I doing here, so relax and lets look and the first thing looks like "Variable definitions" okay you can see that well just below that is where the background info is, so scroll down till you see this
body {
background:$bgcolor;
margin:0;
color:$textcolor;
font: x-small "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, Verdana, Sans-serif;
font-size/* */:/**/small; font-size: /**/small;
text-align: center;
}
Okay hmmm what is this, well this is your body tag of your blog, with the STYLE code from the post before adds the backround, but we can just add it here without the tags and code stuff , here is all I added to get my rooster on the background
body {
background:$bgcolor;
margin:0;
color:$textcolor;
font: x-small "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, Verdana, Sans-serif;
font-size/* */:/**/small; font-size: /**/small;
text-align: center;
background-image: url(http://img108.mytextgraphics.com/photolava/2008/07/13/rooster-4b5t76pzz.jpeg);
background-attachment: fixed;
background-position: center;
background-repeat: no-repeat;
}
Okay see well the url wraps in the blog but on the edit page its one line, anyway I added these four elements to my BODY tag and the rest is all easy now, see below the simple code to add , well copy it and add it now, hehehe read below for more details..
background-image: url(http://);
background-attachment: fixed;
background-position: center;
background-repeat: no-repeat;
Okay now what do I do, well copy the above code as is, place it at the end of the BODY TAG but make sure the } is last after it because this closes the BODY, and now for a background anytime we will just paste a link after the http:// between the ( ) just like mine above , yes its easy if we now go to a background site and look at the code, like the garbage from below code,
<script>document.write(unescape("%3Cstyle%20type%3D%22text/css%22%3E%0Abody%20%7B background-image %3A%20url%28%22http%3A//i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg %22%29%3B%20background-position%3A%20center%3B%20background-repeat%3A%20no-repeat%3B%20 background-attachment %3A%20fixed%3B%20%7D%0A%3C/style%3E%0A%3Cdiv%20id%3D%22tag%22%20 style%3D%22position%3Aabsolute %3B%20left%3A0px%3B%20top%3A30px%3B%20z-index%3A50%3B%20 width%3A150px%3B%20height%3A45px%3B%22%3E%0A%3Ca%20href%3D%22 http%3A//www.thecutestblogontheblock.com%22%20target%3D%22_blank%22%3E%0A%3Cimg%20src %3D%22http%3A//www.thecutestblogontheblock.com/images/tag.png%22%20border%3D%220%22/ %3E%0A%3C/a%3E%3C/div%3E%20"));</script>
OHHHH my god, I fell into a dumster, hehehehe okay well all we really need is this highlighted url, most of the time its the closest to the top.... Here its easy because its hosted on photobucket...
<script>document.write(unescape("%3Cstyle%20type%3D%22text/css%22%3E%0Abody%20%7B background-image %3A%20url%28%22http%3A//i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg %22%29%3B%20background-position%3A%20center%3B%20background-repeat%3A%20no-repeat%3B%20 background-attachment %3A%20fixed%3B%20%7D%0A%3C/style%3E%0A%3Cdiv%20id%3D%22tag%22%20 style%3D%22position%3Aabsolute %3B%20left%3A0px%3B%20top%3A30px%3B%20z-index%3A50%3B%20 width%3A150px%3B%20height%3A45px%3B%22%3E%0A%3Ca%20href%3D%22 http%3A//www.thecutestblogontheblock.com%22%20target%3D%22_blank%22%3E%0A%3Cimg%20src %3D%22http%3A//www.thecutestblogontheblock.com/images/tag.png%22%20border%3D%220%22/ %3E%0A%3C/a%3E%3C/div%3E%20"));</script>
now with this piece, yes only that is needed forever to change the background just highlight the link copy and paste in you body tag.... we added this
background-image: url(http://i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg );
background-attachment: fixed;
background-position: center;
background-repeat: no-repeat;
see I just pasted the link in the code I added and next time I want to change my background I can just go and copy the image link from another garbage code and put it in my BODY TAG and its just so simple now....
Okay now lets review, we gone to blogger and chose LAYOUT, and there is "EDIT HTML" we scrolled down to the BODY which everything needs to be between the { } and we inserted this simple code at the end just like the above sample of mine...
background-image: url(http://);
background-attachment: fixed;
background-position: center;
background-repeat: no-repeat;
Next we found a background we like and copied just the link after the http:// or the code shows http%3A// so we copied up till the end of .jpg which is the image , so we copied
i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg
so we pasted it between this (http:// paste here ) in the above code that we put in our BODY TAG in our own blog, yeah yeah yeah and thats it, so next time just copy link and paste link , no widgets no hassle no de-coding or unescaping garbage and its so simple a caveman can do it, you already got the code in the html of the layout so just change the image link, one simple step.... see you are a code monster, really its simple when its all setup, if you look at the STYLE TAG from the other post you can see the background code has the above info...
<style type="text/css">body { background-image : url("http://i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg "); background-position: center; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-attachment : fixed; }</style>
just we did not use a style but made it a real element in the BODY so now we only have one thing to change... so happy backgrounding, well since you made this STYLE TAG and have a widget already on the page, just copy that image link and paste it in the widget
<style type="text/css">body { background-image : url("http://i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg "); background-position: center; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-attachment : fixed; }</style>
See its simple with that too, just no more gabage just get link and paste for now on.....HAPPY HAPPY Backgrounding :)
PS. Okay now if the image you want has there logo in the image well let me know where and I will download the image, photoshop it and rehost it.... yes I love photoshop too...
Okay first lets look for a backround and we found one at the place in the last blog, okay we have one picked out, so now in blogger we clicked the "edit html" now we see the code and your like WTF am I doing here, so relax and lets look and the first thing looks like "Variable definitions" okay you can see that well just below that is where the background info is, so scroll down till you see this
body {
background:$bgcolor;
margin:0;
color:$textcolor;
font: x-small "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, Verdana, Sans-serif;
font-size/* */:/**/small; font-size: /**/small;
text-align: center;
}
Okay hmmm what is this, well this is your body tag of your blog, with the STYLE code from the post before adds the backround, but we can just add it here without the tags and code stuff , here is all I added to get my rooster on the background
body {
background:$bgcolor;
margin:0;
color:$textcolor;
font: x-small "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, Verdana, Sans-serif;
font-size/* */:/**/small; font-size: /**/small;
text-align: center;
background-image: url(http://img108.mytextgraphics.com/photolava/2008/07/13/rooster-4b5t76pzz.jpeg);
background-attachment: fixed;
background-position: center;
background-repeat: no-repeat;
}
Okay see well the url wraps in the blog but on the edit page its one line, anyway I added these four elements to my BODY tag and the rest is all easy now, see below the simple code to add , well copy it and add it now, hehehe read below for more details..
background-image: url(http://);
background-attachment: fixed;
background-position: center;
background-repeat: no-repeat;
Okay now what do I do, well copy the above code as is, place it at the end of the BODY TAG but make sure the } is last after it because this closes the BODY, and now for a background anytime we will just paste a link after the http:// between the ( ) just like mine above , yes its easy if we now go to a background site and look at the code, like the garbage from below code,
<script>document.write(unescape("%3Cstyle%20type%3D%22text/css%22%3E%0Abody%20%7B background-image %3A%20url%28%22http%3A//i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg %22%29%3B%20background-position%3A%20center%3B%20background-repeat%3A%20no-repeat%3B%20 background-attachment %3A%20fixed%3B%20%7D%0A%3C/style%3E%0A%3Cdiv%20id%3D%22tag%22%20 style%3D%22position%3Aabsolute %3B%20left%3A0px%3B%20top%3A30px%3B%20z-index%3A50%3B%20 width%3A150px%3B%20height%3A45px%3B%22%3E%0A%3Ca%20href%3D%22 http%3A//www.thecutestblogontheblock.com%22%20target%3D%22_blank%22%3E%0A%3Cimg%20src %3D%22http%3A//www.thecutestblogontheblock.com/images/tag.png%22%20border%3D%220%22/ %3E%0A%3C/a%3E%3C/div%3E%20"));</script>
OHHHH my god, I fell into a dumster, hehehehe okay well all we really need is this highlighted url, most of the time its the closest to the top.... Here its easy because its hosted on photobucket...
<script>document.write(unescape("%3Cstyle%20type%3D%22text/css%22%3E%0Abody%20%7B background-image %3A%20url%28%22http%3A//i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg %22%29%3B%20background-position%3A%20center%3B%20background-repeat%3A%20no-repeat%3B%20 background-attachment %3A%20fixed%3B%20%7D%0A%3C/style%3E%0A%3Cdiv%20id%3D%22tag%22%20 style%3D%22position%3Aabsolute %3B%20left%3A0px%3B%20top%3A30px%3B%20z-index%3A50%3B%20 width%3A150px%3B%20height%3A45px%3B%22%3E%0A%3Ca%20href%3D%22 http%3A//www.thecutestblogontheblock.com%22%20target%3D%22_blank%22%3E%0A%3Cimg%20src %3D%22http%3A//www.thecutestblogontheblock.com/images/tag.png%22%20border%3D%220%22/ %3E%0A%3C/a%3E%3C/div%3E%20"));</script>
now with this piece, yes only that is needed forever to change the background just highlight the link copy and paste in you body tag.... we added this
background-image: url(http://i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg );
background-attachment: fixed;
background-position: center;
background-repeat: no-repeat;
see I just pasted the link in the code I added and next time I want to change my background I can just go and copy the image link from another garbage code and put it in my BODY TAG and its just so simple now....
Okay now lets review, we gone to blogger and chose LAYOUT, and there is "EDIT HTML" we scrolled down to the BODY which everything needs to be between the { } and we inserted this simple code at the end just like the above sample of mine...
background-image: url(http://);
background-attachment: fixed;
background-position: center;
background-repeat: no-repeat;
Next we found a background we like and copied just the link after the http:// or the code shows http%3A// so we copied up till the end of .jpg which is the image , so we copied
i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg
so we pasted it between this (http:// paste here ) in the above code that we put in our BODY TAG in our own blog, yeah yeah yeah and thats it, so next time just copy link and paste link , no widgets no hassle no de-coding or unescaping garbage and its so simple a caveman can do it, you already got the code in the html of the layout so just change the image link, one simple step.... see you are a code monster, really its simple when its all setup, if you look at the STYLE TAG from the other post you can see the background code has the above info...
<style type="text/css">body { background-image : url("http://i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg "); background-position: center; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-attachment : fixed; }</style>
just we did not use a style but made it a real element in the BODY so now we only have one thing to change... so happy backgrounding, well since you made this STYLE TAG and have a widget already on the page, just copy that image link and paste it in the widget
<style type="text/css">body { background-image : url("http://i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg "); background-position: center; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-attachment : fixed; }</style>
See its simple with that too, just no more gabage just get link and paste for now on.....HAPPY HAPPY Backgrounding :)
PS. Okay now if the image you want has there logo in the image well let me know where and I will download the image, photoshop it and rehost it.... yes I love photoshop too...
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
UnBranding Your Blogger Background Tutorial...
Okay this is a blog about your background from all those sites that have them already made and to get it to work right everytime , plus you can get there branding , logo crap off , its really easy to understand , well for me its easy because I am a code monkey for about 26 years now, I still write HTML (webpage code) using notepad, none of this drag and drop or easy webpage builders online , just click click wow mom I got a page on the web , mine was type type delete type type opps delete after a few hours of tweaking it I had a website with 5 running scripts and it had over 1000 pages, well made it easy , one script wrote the pages on the fly using another script that searched my database of info but enough of that lets pick on some backgrounds and tweak them. This is some simple shit to hack really really, don't let them fool you anymore.
Okay now there is a few ways to add a background to a page and the easiest is to you a style tag <style> like putting some style on the page , and one way to do some branding is to use a division tag <div> to place it where we want to, mostly in a corner somewhere at the top... hehehehe yeah I will get rid of it hehehehe anyway I gone to http://www.thecutestblogontheblock.com/ and got some code from one of there backgrounds , here it is below
<script>document.write(unescape("%3Cstyle%20type%3D%22text/css%22%3E%0Abody%20%7B background-image %3A%20url%28%22http%3A//i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg %22%29%3B%20background-position%3A%20center%3B%20background-repeat%3A%20no-repeat%3B%20 background-attachment %3A%20fixed%3B%20%7D%0A%3C/style%3E%0A%3Cdiv%20id%3D%22tag%22%20 style%3D%22position%3Aabsolute %3B%20left%3A0px%3B%20top%3A30px%3B%20z-index%3A50%3B%20 width%3A150px%3B%20height%3A45px%3B%22%3E%0A%3Ca%20href%3D%22 http%3A//www.thecutestblogontheblock.com%22%20target%3D%22_blank%22%3E%0A%3Cimg%20src %3D%22http%3A//www.thecutestblogontheblock.com/images/tag.png%22%20border%3D%220%22/ %3E%0A%3C/a%3E%3C/div%3E%20"));</script>
WTF is this garbage, yes its a trick so you can not steal the code , uhhhh silly rabbit tricks are for stupid people, anyway in this is the simple code needed to get the background on your blog and its easy easy, first we need to understand what they did was use javascript code and a old fasion percent encoding, its because in scripting sometimes it needs to be escaped this way to interpet the aurguments in the code, but what they are doing is trying to hide the code using javascript, I said all you need is a STYLE TAG and you got background, notice in the beginning of this script code is says unescape, yes it is to convert it back to normal when it renders your page, but sometimes having more than one code on a page will mess this code up and sometimes this code screws up other code on your page so enough of that crap unescape it by going here
http://www.web-code.org/coding-tools/javascript-escape-unescape-converter-tool.html
now copy the above garbage code into the bottom box on the converter page and press the button "complete unescape" and now in the top box is the simple code, copy this code and paste into blogger to edit the code but don't save it yet ... looks like this now
<script>document.write(unescape("<style type="text/css">body { background-image : url("http://i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg "); background-position: center; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-attachment : fixed; }</style><div id="tag" style="position:absolute ; left:0px; top:30px; z-index:50; width:150px; height:45px;"><a href="http://www.thecutestblogontheblock.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.thecutestblogontheblock.com/images/tag.png" border="0"/ ></a></div> "));</script>
Okay wait wait wait, this code looks funny but lets break it down, first off its not scripting language anymore so we can not use this as is, it will fail, so we need to get rid of the <script> Tags because it is not scripting language anymore and I see it has 2 parts we need , ohhh one we need but you can see the STYLE AND DIVISION tags are here , lets break it down to the 2 parts. Everything between the <style></style> is the background code.
Here is the style to add a background image
<style type="text/css">body { background-image : url("http://i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg "); background-position: center; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-attachment : fixed; }</style>
Look how small the background code really is, wow thats all you need really kewl, simple and clean....
Everything between the <div></div> is the branding/logo code.
Here is the division code to put the logo image up in the left top corner
<div id="tag" style="position:absolute ; left:0px; top:30px; z-index:50; width:150px; height:45px;"><a href="http://www.thecutestblogontheblock.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.thecutestblogontheblock.com/images/tag.png" border="0"/ ></a></div>
All this is for it to brand their website on yours but I have a problem with cheap ass websites who can't host their own images, this place has images on photobucket.com and sometimes when they get to much traffic from millions of hits they will shut down the account, most reliable place host the images on their own web server and can handle the traffic, just goes to show this place has not the space or the traffic capabilities on the website, just got a small webspace on a lowbuget server somewhere, maybe I am wrong but why host on a site that could shut down and I might have the background anytime, most chances are it will be up on my page when I get traffic but it could be shut down so why brand my page with a unrealiable service, maybe I said it could be but its fun to hack code anyway....
Now all this other code at the beginning and end is useless unless we had a script to execute but we broke down the script into simple html code and now it will work in all browsers just fine and will work in any blog, so see this here <script>document.write(unescape(" is not needed and the ending of it "));</script> is no use to us now either, we have no more JAVASCRIPT code to worry bout, by just deleting these 2 parts from start and end you can paste all the code left here and still have the branding of their site but yet you not have this JAVASCRIPT to run which some browsers have a hard time when you got lots of code like this all mixed up, thats why this really is only a trick to hide there simple code and not really useful for web design. There is a place for scripting and using such code but for simple stuff you don't need this garbage, use scripting for complex stuff like what its for and not this silly trick to fool people and have it not execute on your blog, so many people having trouble with this garbage but hey you just took the trash out hehehehehe....
All you need to do is in blogger is delete everything except the the style code above or go to layout and click add html/javascript like at the bottom of the page and paste this STYLE CODE ABOVE that you did in notepad and now you have the background, You need to be careful when deleting because in blogger it tries to group the symbols together so I place the cursor at the start point of the style and backspace it all away and place curser and end of style tag and press and hold delete it all off the end, I prefer to add it to the real html editing under the body tag myself so I will post again about that for more advance users, hehehehe really its easier because all you change is the http address of where the image is and its that simple so yeah will post that in another post, anyway have fun being a code monster.
Okay now there is a few ways to add a background to a page and the easiest is to you a style tag <style> like putting some style on the page , and one way to do some branding is to use a division tag <div> to place it where we want to, mostly in a corner somewhere at the top... hehehehe yeah I will get rid of it hehehehe anyway I gone to http://www.thecutestblogontheblock.com/ and got some code from one of there backgrounds , here it is below
<script>document.write(unescape("%3Cstyle%20type%3D%22text/css%22%3E%0Abody%20%7B background-image %3A%20url%28%22http%3A//i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg %22%29%3B%20background-position%3A%20center%3B%20background-repeat%3A%20no-repeat%3B%20 background-attachment %3A%20fixed%3B%20%7D%0A%3C/style%3E%0A%3Cdiv%20id%3D%22tag%22%20 style%3D%22position%3Aabsolute %3B%20left%3A0px%3B%20top%3A30px%3B%20z-index%3A50%3B%20 width%3A150px%3B%20height%3A45px%3B%22%3E%0A%3Ca%20href%3D%22 http%3A//www.thecutestblogontheblock.com%22%20target%3D%22_blank%22%3E%0A%3Cimg%20src %3D%22http%3A//www.thecutestblogontheblock.com/images/tag.png%22%20border%3D%220%22/ %3E%0A%3C/a%3E%3C/div%3E%20"));</script>
WTF is this garbage, yes its a trick so you can not steal the code , uhhhh silly rabbit tricks are for stupid people, anyway in this is the simple code needed to get the background on your blog and its easy easy, first we need to understand what they did was use javascript code and a old fasion percent encoding, its because in scripting sometimes it needs to be escaped this way to interpet the aurguments in the code, but what they are doing is trying to hide the code using javascript, I said all you need is a STYLE TAG and you got background, notice in the beginning of this script code is says unescape, yes it is to convert it back to normal when it renders your page, but sometimes having more than one code on a page will mess this code up and sometimes this code screws up other code on your page so enough of that crap unescape it by going here
http://www.web-code.org/coding-tools/javascript-escape-unescape-converter-tool.html
now copy the above garbage code into the bottom box on the converter page and press the button "complete unescape" and now in the top box is the simple code, copy this code and paste into blogger to edit the code but don't save it yet ... looks like this now
<script>document.write(unescape("<style type="text/css">body { background-image : url("http://i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg "); background-position: center; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-attachment : fixed; }</style><div id="tag" style="position:absolute ; left:0px; top:30px; z-index:50; width:150px; height:45px;"><a href="http://www.thecutestblogontheblock.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.thecutestblogontheblock.com/images/tag.png" border="0"/ ></a></div> "));</script>
Okay wait wait wait, this code looks funny but lets break it down, first off its not scripting language anymore so we can not use this as is, it will fail, so we need to get rid of the <script> Tags because it is not scripting language anymore and I see it has 2 parts we need , ohhh one we need but you can see the STYLE AND DIVISION tags are here , lets break it down to the 2 parts. Everything between the <style></style> is the background code.
Here is the style to add a background image
<style type="text/css">body { background-image : url("http://i342.photobucket.com/albums/o401/Thecutestblogontheblock/Melancholycopy.jpg "); background-position: center; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-attachment : fixed; }</style>
Look how small the background code really is, wow thats all you need really kewl, simple and clean....
Everything between the <div></div> is the branding/logo code.
Here is the division code to put the logo image up in the left top corner
<div id="tag" style="position:absolute ; left:0px; top:30px; z-index:50; width:150px; height:45px;"><a href="http://www.thecutestblogontheblock.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.thecutestblogontheblock.com/images/tag.png" border="0"/ ></a></div>
All this is for it to brand their website on yours but I have a problem with cheap ass websites who can't host their own images, this place has images on photobucket.com and sometimes when they get to much traffic from millions of hits they will shut down the account, most reliable place host the images on their own web server and can handle the traffic, just goes to show this place has not the space or the traffic capabilities on the website, just got a small webspace on a lowbuget server somewhere, maybe I am wrong but why host on a site that could shut down and I might have the background anytime, most chances are it will be up on my page when I get traffic but it could be shut down so why brand my page with a unrealiable service, maybe I said it could be but its fun to hack code anyway....
Now all this other code at the beginning and end is useless unless we had a script to execute but we broke down the script into simple html code and now it will work in all browsers just fine and will work in any blog, so see this here <script>document.write(unescape(" is not needed and the ending of it "));</script> is no use to us now either, we have no more JAVASCRIPT code to worry bout, by just deleting these 2 parts from start and end you can paste all the code left here and still have the branding of their site but yet you not have this JAVASCRIPT to run which some browsers have a hard time when you got lots of code like this all mixed up, thats why this really is only a trick to hide there simple code and not really useful for web design. There is a place for scripting and using such code but for simple stuff you don't need this garbage, use scripting for complex stuff like what its for and not this silly trick to fool people and have it not execute on your blog, so many people having trouble with this garbage but hey you just took the trash out hehehehehe....
All you need to do is in blogger is delete everything except the the style code above or go to layout and click add html/javascript like at the bottom of the page and paste this STYLE CODE ABOVE that you did in notepad and now you have the background, You need to be careful when deleting because in blogger it tries to group the symbols together so I place the cursor at the start point of the style and backspace it all away and place curser and end of style tag and press and hold delete it all off the end, I prefer to add it to the real html editing under the body tag myself so I will post again about that for more advance users, hehehehe really its easier because all you change is the http address of where the image is and its that simple so yeah will post that in another post, anyway have fun being a code monster.
Bout time I get to bloggin,
Yes I have been like a slacker about blogging, so next blog will be useless info so yeah read on
<img src="blah/blah" > next uhhhh <style=text/css> okay just testing this code to make sure I can write code and not execute , this is for my next post <font color ="fa436b" size = "+6">..
</style>
okay will write a nice post about some simple hack that can be for blogspot backgrounds, now I can show code hmmm not easy to do that but <html><code for you/size=0 color="black">
<img src="blah/blah" > next uhhhh <style=text/css> okay just testing this code to make sure I can write code and not execute , this is for my next post <font color ="fa436b" size = "+6">..
</style>
okay will write a nice post about some simple hack that can be for blogspot backgrounds, now I can show code hmmm not easy to do that but <html><code for you/size=0 color="black">
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